You Don't Feel You Could Love Me But I Feel You Could

(no subject)

: grammardog; August 28th, 2008

Poll #1249865
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 55

If I was to make a quilt and have a raffle for charity, would you buy tickets on it?

View Answers

HELLZ YES.
37 (67.3%)

Maybe. I'm not in a place where I can make concrete decisions in my life right now.
5 (9.1%)

Maybe, but it would depend on what the quilt looked like.
6 (10.9%)

Maybe, but it would depend on the charity.
4 (7.3%)

Probably not - I don't really have much use for a quilt.
2 (3.6%)

Probably not - I hate charity.
0 (0.0%)

I live overseas and too far away for you to mail my quilt should I win, thus making me ineligible. SAD DAY.
1 (1.8%)

If you answered HELLZ YES to the above question, would you ACTUALLY get an envelope and put some money in it and put a stamp on it and my address and send it to Canada? WOULD YOU?

View Answers

HELLZ YES
32 (66.7%)

I SAY I would, but I can't be totally sure.
12 (25.0%)

Oh, let's face it - probably not.
4 (8.3%)

But would you REALLY.

View Answers

I SAID YES
41 (95.3%)

No.
2 (4.7%)

What do you think would be a reasonable price for said tickets?

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Two bucks each, or three for $5
12 (22.6%)

Five bucks each, or three for $10
37 (69.8%)

EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS
4 (7.5%)

Is there anything else you need to say about this topic?

View Answers

Tags: polls, quilting, quilts

(no subject)

: grammardog; December 19th, 2007

The most unfortunate way to find out that your cat is into alcoholic beverages is to find him facedown in the glass of rum and eggnog you were enjoying wholeheartedly before you left the room for THREE SECONDS. Don't call PETA; he didn't actually drink any as his face was too fat to get to the bottom of the glass. What kind of a cat likes the taste of alcohol?!? A breed apart, I tell you.

The lovely

nonethewiser visited the other night, and brought me three amazing things: a stylish Bea Arthur carrier, a jar of homemade turkey soup which I ate immediately and in ecstasies, and a sweet little tree just the right size for my mini-apartment. I decorated it last night with some ornaments I've made, and a string of PINK lights which is all I had around, and don't ask me why I had pink lights around. The tree looks totally cute and has stayed upright for 24 hours without too much apparent trauma from You-Know-Who. Every time I walk back into the room, though, he's sitting next to the tree with his head tilted at a perfect 90 degree angle, and there's one ornament on the tree swaying dangerously. It looks exactly like this:

Note adorably pink ears.

Also, today when I came home from work, one ornament was on the floor and there were fake pine needles in his water dish, twenty feet away. What a weirdo.

Look, I live by myself now, and I'm basically becoming an old maid. I'm going to talk a lot about my cat, and that's about the long and the short of it.

As I understand it, you've all been gnashing your teeth waiting for the results of (and motivation for) my most recent poll. Well, gnash no more! The poll was born when a good friend of mine who shall remain nameless but you all know who it is accused me with her eyebrows of being hoity-toity when I asked her to pass me the colander. When I told her it was a very common word and I wasn't trying to be all "let's go to the FILMS", she called me "Martha" and then demanded I do a journal poll to prove myself. Well, here are the not-so-surprising results:

People who said Strainer: A weak 6 votes.
People who said Strainer AND Colander: 12 votes
People who said Colander: The hands-down winner with 54 votes!

I win, Sally. Now don't ever make those eyebrows at me again.

(Weirdos who said other various things: 2)

Tags: bea arthur, christmas, friends, gifts, polls, sally

(no subject)

: grammardog; April 8th, 2007

Aside from the Christian hymns, the other greatest part of the work banquet was The Carnie winning a $20 gift certificate at Jack Astor's. We are going to eat crappy, wacky food until we just can't eat no mo'! Here is said Carnie checking out his winnings, and me and my pal Jen being his bitches.

In other news, the other day I passed a mother walking with her baby on the sidewalk. She was sort of bouncing him around and singing softly to him. It took me a minute to place the song, but I soon realized it was Will Smith's classic lullaby, Ring My Bell.

Speaking of songs,
Poll #962342
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 18

What's your opinion of the old Melanie song "Brand New Key"?

View Answers

Adorable!
15 (83.3%)

Horror show!
3 (16.7%)

It snowed a foot today. As the kids say, WTF.

Tags: friends, music, photographs, polls, work

(no subject)

: grammardog; March 4th, 2007

Poll #939868
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 68

What does the term "it's all downhill from here" mean? (NO GOOGLING)

It's going to be easy from this point on.
33 (48.5%)

It's going to be difficult from this point on.
24 (35.3%)

Bea Arthur.
11 (16.2%)

Tags: bad english, polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; November 27th, 2006

Cherished Friends and Family:

Poll #876335
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 23

To make my Christmas shopping easier, please check off the gift you would like me to buy you this year:

View Answers

student loan payment (value: $5000)
9 (39.1%)

veterinary bill (value: $530 and counting)
4 (17.4%)

driver side mirror knocked off by drunken frat boy (value: $175)
3 (13.0%)

new glasses to replace cracked pair (value: $400)
7 (30.4%)

Tags: polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; November 7th, 2006

Poll #862344
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 27

You're making a mix of your favourite cover songs. What's on it?

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Tags: music, polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; October 12th, 2006

I don't know who took this photo or any other deets, but it is so beautiful and terrifying and tragic. I wish I could have it in a frame on my wall. Actually, I'm sure that's possible, but I'm techno-stunted.

Okay, poll time!

(Keep in mind that we're talking office-supplied Bics here, and not the marble fountain pen your graduating class bought you when you were elected valedictorian.)

Poll #843398
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 55

My pen at the office is...

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... under collective ownership. When you use a pen at the office, you do so with the understanding that soon someone will pick it up and walk away with it, and you'll go to the supply closet to get a new one from rows and rows of shiny boxes.
19 (34.5%)

... MINE AND MINE ALONE. If I get a pen from the supply closet, you'd better believe that sucker is going to have 100% my DNA all over it until the day it runs dry on me, and anyone who tries to fuck with that is in serious jep.
36 (65.5%)

Tags: photographs, polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; September 4th, 2006

I'm making up a little gift basket for my gal Janet for her wedding night. I don't want it to be TERRIBLY cheesy, but I guess there's a certain amount of cheese inherently involved. Do you guys have any ideas as to what should go in it? Things you wished you had on hand during your own wedding proceedings? My idea is partly sexy and fun stuff, partly useful stuff. So far, I'm thinking:

- a lovely bottle of wine
- chocolate truffles!
- nice-but-not-too-tacky lingerie
- safety pins. I feel like these are always needed at some point during a wedding
- a pretty embroidered hanky, if I can get around to making one
- nice Lush-y massage bar, bubble bath, etc
- maybe some Tums or Pepto-Bismol and some aspirin? I feel like I, personally, would totally need these on my wedding night.

Google searching is bringing up shit like tiaras and panties that say Just Married on them, so, as always, I turn to you guys.

Poll #814049
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

Any other ideas?

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In other news, I have been insanely busy getting ready for Janet's wedding in three weeks, my little bro's wedding in five, preparing quilts for BOTH, doing fundraiser prep, and also trying to spend time with Carnie. We are having a lovely time together, including seeing

puffpastry's awesome Fringe show together, and frying candy just to see what would happen (it fucking BURNS). Honestly, I will provide more deets eventually, maybe after these bloody weddings are over. I am trying to keep up with you dudes so hard, but if I have missed anything major, fill me in!

Tags: polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; July 31st, 2006

Freak chips are potato chips upon which some perverse act of nature has been perfomed. A freak chip may:

a) have excessive bits of potato skin on it
b) be grey around the edges where the eyes didn't get cut out
c) be double-fried and therefore double-crunchy and double golden
d) have green around the edges which is apparently poisonous in large doses
e) i - be folded over against itself
ii - be folded up against another chip
f) be browned where the potato was cut by a farm combine and not properly peeled

Poll #782703 Freaks
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 38

Here's how I feel about chips:

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Freak chips are nasty. I leave them in the bowl and then toss them when I'm done.
2 (5.3%)

Finding a true freak chip is pretty much the highlight of my day.
14 (36.8%)

I just eat all the chips, yo.
22 (57.9%)

Tags: polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; March 2nd, 2006

My mental health clinic appointment is tomorrow morning. How to prepare for such a thing? I mean, I already blame everything on my parents. (Ba-dum... ching?)

Look how adorable it is to be crazy nowadays:

This is going to be AWESOME.

Opnions, please: Consider your average burly, straight, diner-lovin', overall-wearin', mechanically-minded, kind-of-sexist guy.

Poll #683645
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 29

How does this guy rate in the sack?

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He wants his woman's behaviour to be pretty chaste, and thinks oral sex is for homos.
8 (27.6%)

He's all crazy rough-and-tumble, and likes his ladies with some filth to 'em.
21 (72.4%)

Tags: polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; February 28th, 2006

Here's some nothing for you:

Today is the first day since The Awful, Horrible Day that I have not had to gobble painkillers all day for my jaw. J-aw, YEAH! It is twinging, but not singing with pain, and that is GREAT. I am going for an X-ray tomorrow to see what the Christ is wrong with me. It's a good thing I don't have a jaorb, because all of these appointments would really put a cramp in my working gal style.

I got my hair cut today, by one of those stylists with terrible hair. Why? It defies all logic that hairstylists should look like Roseanne from back when her name was Roseanne Barr. I was so highly coiffed coming out of the salon that the hair felt like a fully separate being, rotating and swishing around on my head. After a good shampoo to rid myself of "Product", I am looking PRETty cute.

Poll #682074
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 63

How are you today, on a scale of 1-10?

View Answers

1
1 (1.6%)

2
2 (3.2%)

3
5 (7.9%)

4
6 (9.5%)

5
8 (12.7%)

6
16 (25.4%)

7
15 (23.8%)

8
5 (7.9%)

9
3 (4.8%)

10
2 (3.2%)

Tags: polls

For the Ally-Cat's benefit, too...

: grammardog; February 15th, 2006

Poll #673605 Gonna Make You Sweat
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 26

What's your favourite work-out/can't-not-move-to-it music?

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Tags: polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; January 13th, 2006

When will I learn that store brands are just not the same? I convinced myself that a Life brand Toblerone-like chocolate bar (Faux-blerone!) would probably be about the same, and I was so, so wrong.

Here, help me save my money:

Poll #651789
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 19

What cheapy brand item actually tastes/works/smells as good as the real thing?

View Answers

How do you like this saucy French pin-up in my userpic? I wish I could look like her just for five minutes.

I feel so stupid lately, like my brain is only functioning at 10%. I'm going to blame it on mild carbon monoxide poisoning from sitting on the jam-packed bus. More likely it's from only getting four hours of sleep every night this week.

P.S. I just ran across a website that gave me the following error message: "We're sorry, but this page is not intended for viewing outside of the United States". Um, it is the WORLD WIDE WEB, America. You HAVE to share, with everybody - YES, even Canadians. For serious, I have never seen that on the internet.

Tags: polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; June 25th, 2005

uisce_beatha and I were discussing the possibility of opening a little diner to cater to an untapped market... people who are on their lunch break or something downtown and just want a durn piece of toast.

I seriously believe this venture would do very well in our fast food world. We would have all sorts of toppings and jellies and would serve them at about a dollar a pop.

Oh, what the hell... I won't be a paid user forever.

Poll #520316 TOAST!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 38

Have you ever stood in a food court and wished you could just get a simple piece of toast?

View Answers

Many times! What a capital idea, old boy!
12 (32.4%)

Maybe once or twice.
17 (45.9%)

Don't be such a fool. No one eats things out that they can easily make at home.
8 (21.6%)

We're calling ourselves "A Toast... To You". What say you?

View Answers

Aye!
29 (78.4%)

Nay!
5 (13.5%)

Nitty-nitty (this is the worst vote Indian Pete ever gave at camp before political correctness made Indian Pete say adieu forever, and rightfully so, really, but it was still a sad day.))
3 (8.1%)

Toast toppings?

View Answers

(One - two - three...) JAM!
23 (62.2%)

Jelly!
20 (54.1%)

Peanut butter!
26 (70.3%)

Marshmallow Fluff!
10 (27.0%)

Cinnamon and sugar!
31 (83.8%)

Just butter!
21 (56.8%)

Just cardio-friendly butter substitute!
7 (18.9%)

Low-sugar fruit spreads!
14 (37.8%)

Honey!
22 (59.5%)

Molasses!
6 (16.2%)

Stewed Sweetened Rhubarb! (My favourites get to stay on the menu)
10 (27.0%)

Other toppings?

View Answers

Is a dollar a slice a totally reasonable amount for toast with toppings?

View Answers

Yes! I'd buy it!
30 (81.1%)

Yes, but I wouldn't buy it.
5 (13.5%)

No! Too cheap!
0 (0.0%)

No! Too expensive!
2 (5.4%)

Two is kind of the standard "this is how many pieces of toast a person eats". I believe this to be a socially-accepted number created simply by the fact that toasters have two slices. How many pieces of toast would you eat if no one was watching, it was delicious, and you wouldn't have to roll yourself out the door later?

View Answers

One. (I am lying)
4 (10.5%)

Two. (I might be lying)
15 (39.5%)

Three. (I am being partially honest.)
7 (18.4%)

Four. (I am probably telling the truth.)
9 (23.7%)

Five PLUS. I love my toast and I don't care who knows!
3 (7.9%)

What is the likelihood that you are going to have toast after finishing this poll?

View Answers

It Is Certain
3 (7.9%)

Signs Point To Yes
6 (15.8%)

Reply Hazy Try Again
5 (13.2%)

Outlook Not So Good
5 (13.2%)

Better Not Tell You Now
4 (10.5%)

My Reply Is No
15 (39.5%)

This poll is lame.

View Answers

True
7 (19.4%)

False.
29 (80.6%)

Tags: polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; June 25th, 2005

Last night I had some fabric cut for future quilt projects, and I threw it all in the washing machine together this morning to shrink up. As I pulled it out to put in the dryer, I noticed there were two pieces of one pink fabric. I had had this particular fabric cut from a large piece that was folded instead of on a bolt, and what must have happened was that she put both the piece I had cut AND the leftover piece into my pile, and I just didn't notice until it had already been washed and it was too late to take it back. So now I've got several extra metres of pretty pink cotton that is already washed and can't be returned so I can't feel guilty. JOY! I love an honest mistake.

Poll #520293
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 20

Should I feel guilty over getting the free fabric?

View Answers

Hellz, no. What the frig would you feel guilty for?
20 (100.0%)

Yes! You should go back to the store and pay for that fabric PRONTO.
0 (0.0%)

The saddest thing.

Thanks, by the way, to all of you who didn't read my post the other day but thought my userpic was pretty. I still look like that, except fatter and older and saggier and pimplier (thanks, adult acne!).

Actually... psst... don't tell the fate gods, but Lush's Coal Face soap has completely kept me from breaking out since I started using it. I am down to a piece the size of a penny and I am milking it for all it's worth, because it is truly a wonder. Word to the wise.

It's so darn HOT. Finally. It's summer. It's that sweaty, muggy, sticky, hot that makes you want to fuck that guy over there until he's just a wet limp puddle on the pavement, and then fuck his brother, too.

WHAT.

Tags: polls

(no subject)

: grammardog; June 13th, 2005

Poll #511823
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 30

How do you feel about the fact that I can do polls again thanks to nt?

View Answers

My clicking finger is SO READY.
30 (100.0%)

I am giving you the finger.
0 (0.0%)

Tags: polls

grammardog

You Don't Feel You Could Love Me But I Feel You Could

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