grammardog

Would you just look at this owls fabric that pmthreads designed and screenprinted? It's so gorgeous, it made my mouth water!

Also: brantastic is the perfect photographer.

I cannot keep up with the internet anymore.

Okay, so brantastic showed up out of NOWHERE last week and surprised the crap out of me, with the help and scheming of Sally. Brandi dreamed aloud to Sally that she would like to visit me since I have been feeling pretty crap lately, and the two of them worked out a plan. I was hanging out with Sally and my friend Nicole, innocently watching some Flight of the Conchords episodes, when I was snatched up, blindfolded, and driven to the airport. I didn't know what the bejeezus was going on until Brandi emerged from the international arrivals door. Seriously, it was the best surprise of my life. I don't really know how to thank them both for cooking this up for me... it just made me feel so loved and special.

Basically Brandi and I spent three days just acting the fool. We downloaded Vanilla Ice's epic film Cool As Ice, and uh, it was WAY more entertaining than we had expected... we laughed SO hard all the way throughout, and there was even one GENUINELY funny thing in it. I don't have as much tolerance for awesome-because-it's-awful material as Brandi has, but I enjoyed every second of it, and a second viewing is definitely in my future. If any of you have seen it, can we please talk about the ice-dripping scene? Oh my heavens. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, gawk, or gag.

We drove up the Eastern Shore on a wet, chilly day. I took these two photos in Lawrencetown, still experimenting with my new lens:





We also picked up lobsters from a cute strawberry blond fellow in Jeddore, and boiled them for dinner. SLOWLY. An inch at a time. The lobsters we bought were pretty fucking huge, as we realized when we got home and looked at my pots. We ended up cooking them in separate pots, and they were still too big to fit in them comfortably. I'm now going to tell you about one of the worst moments of my life. The water was boiling, the lobster was wiggling, and when I attempted to drop it in the roiling drink headfirst, it FLEXED and the only part of its body I could submerge was the CLAWS. I was SLOWLY BOILING IT STARTING WITH THE EXTREMITIES. I can't tell you the horror I felt realizing that this creature was not going to die a quick and painless death. I shouted for a cramstick, and ended up using a slotted spoon to cram the rest of the flipping lobster's body into the pot. I then I had to force the cover closed for several agonizing minutes while the lobster flipped around and basically it was horrible and that story is over now because I can't go on. Oh, also, Bea Arthur bit one of the lobsters in the swimmerette. That is everything, now.

Here are some shots from the cutest photoshoot ever:







Below, Bea Arthur and Brandi re-enact The Great Lobster Boiling Fiasco of '08. Bea Arthur snaps his tail wildly as the lobsters did, and flattens his ears to express extreme discontent. Brandi's face perfectly captures my experience.



Sally and Brandi and I went to Thursday night bingo together, and I TOTALLY WON! It was pretty awesome yelling out my victory, and even though I only won $59, I couldn't follow bingo hall protocol and pretend like I wasn't excited. I felt sort of bad taking the money from all of those elderly people who go every single night and maybe never win. But not bad ENOUGH.

Anyway, those were the highlights/lowlights of my surprise visit from Bran. There were a million other tiny moments and huge laughs, stuff that I wish I could have just recorded so I could watch it all again (Bran, today "Lady" came on the telly and I sang the whole thing at a 45 degree angle, and laughed so hard and wished you were there so bad). I was terribly sorry to see her go home. I just love her so much, you guys.

So, NEIL YOUNG! It was so awesome. I admit, I partly expected to see Neil phoning it in to some extent at this late stage in the game, but he fucking ruled. As moxieholic put it in his review, his first tune sounded like what would be a finale for most other performers. Also, Wilco! So much fun... I really hope to see a full show at some point in my life.

Yesterday Sally and I went out to put up some posters for our "White Christmas" fundraiser, which is a week from today. It was a trying experience. I experienced my first tumble of winter when I wiped out on the icy sidewalk on Robie Street where cars were driving out of the car wash and leaving the sidewalk wet. I banged up my knee on the widewalk and wrenched my back a little bit, too. Very shortly after I got up and brushed myself off (so shortly, in fact, that I think he MUST have seen me fall), a man came barrelling up to me with his finger poking at me and shouted, "Do you know you're breaking a city by-law?!? You're making a goddamn mess! I'm calling the police!" and then started storming away. I was stunned, but called after him, "It's a FUNDRAISER for the food bank, sir", and without even looking back at me, he gave me the finger! I was SO ANGRY about it and still am. I'm just amazed at the kind of person it would take to, first of all, GIVE A CRAP, and second of all, behave that way to a strange woman on the street. It made me feel really, really deflated. The part I'm MOST concerned about, though, is that he actually WILL call the police, who will then probably call the charity we're raising funds for about the complaint. If they are complained to, I actually will have to go and take all five hundred posters down, which makes me feel just sick to my stomach and totally dejected. It just makes me crazy that anyone would CARE about some fundraiser posters on a pole, sandwiched between Steve-o-Reno's coffee barn, a four-lane traffic-congested street, and an Esso station on Robie Street - not exactly Banff National Park, or even a residential area. Argh... I just feel so mad about it, and mostly I feel mad about the way he yelled at me, in such an intimidating and threatening way.

Afterwards,we went to Clay Cafe to paint our frustrations away, which might have worked if it hadn't been filled to the brim with babies. So many very noisy babies! I did finish a potentially-disastrous Christmas gift though (word to the wise: don't try to paint perfect circles on ceramic bisque), and we also ran into iamom there, which was a nice surprise.

I don't really dislike babies. Proof:



They're just noisy, is all.

It's becoming clearer that my future at work looks pretty grim, due to a major restructuring that will take place over the next couple of years. It makes me really disappointed... I never thought I would still be doing entry-level work after 2.5 years, but that's just the way things have panned out because of some really bad timing . I was hoping to get a chance to try some other jobs out there, but it's not looking good. I would love to have some stability, and some challenge in my work, besides the challenge of "try not to weep from boredom today".

Otherwise, I have been quite busy but with some fun things in there, too, and any free time has been spent trying to get some Christmas gifts together. My no-buy Christmas is really going pretty well, and any money I have spent toward it has still gone into a handmade gift. I even wrapped some tonight, and realized afterwards I didn't take any photos of everything piled together, which I really wanted to do for my own satisfaction.

THE END. I'm so tired.

The most amazing thing in the world:

brantastic is at my house RIGHT NOW!

If you're still on an election high and want to relive the joy, click here! The awesome brantastic was lucky enough to be in Grant Park in Chicago on election night, and took some fantastic shots that made me do the laughing AND the crying. She also has a great entry in her LJ that describes the event, so go visit!

Last night I dreamed that I went through the Dairy Queen drive-thru for a simple dipped cone, but in addition, I unexpectedly fell in love with the guy working in the pick-up window: Vanilla Ice.

Vanilla and I were hanging out at my parents' house one night while they were gone away. I was in the kitchen, and Vanilla was in the backyard doing some gardening (natch). Out of the living room window, I saw two thugs get out of a white roadster and head towards the back. This is when the dream got legitimately scary. I knew Vanilla had been involved in some secret shady dealings (natch), and I called 911 while I watched the thugs beat the shit out of him. I saw them take off in the roadster, and went out back. Vanilla was lying in the garden unconscious... they had laid him out like he was in a coffin and had half-buried him in the soil. His hands were clasped against his chest, and when I moved them to check his pulse, six or seven of his bloody teeth fell out of his fist.

I woke up feeling alarmed, but soon started snorting into my pillow when I realized I had dreamed about makin' it with Vanilla Ice. brantastic, I'm not sure how I know, but I'm pretty sure this is all your fault.

In other news, this is the entirety of an e-mail from Sally that I just found in my inbox:

I tried cunt and cock sucker. I only have one more try. Is it pussy?

I'll be over at 10:30....

Har!

In Baddeck, Nova Scotia... taken at Bras d'Or Lake.

We went to a quilt show!



tvor saw this photo on my Flickr and was inspired to paint this painting! Isn't that lovely? I was very flattered.



I loved this weirdo lake weed:



Pretty, deadly lupins:





It was a perfectly grey day.

Joe's Scarecrow Village.

It scared more than the crows.







( More photos from Joe's Scarecrow Village, near Cheticamp, Nova Scotia )

Brandi and I were just about to begin our trip around the Cabot Trail when we happened upon this amazing display in Whycocomagh. The woman who lived here told us she had cut and painted the characters as a surprise gift for her son, who had just graduated from the Dalhousie law program. She said the only break he would ever take while studying was to watch The Simpsons. She had even made one of her son as a Simpsons character, complete with a graduation gown. AW!






(  More of The Siiiiimp-sonnnnnnns... )

I later Googlestalked the lucky graduate on Facebook with ladykutenay's help and wrote him a nice note telling him that his mom (biologically his aunt) was amazing and also sort of internet-famous thanks to Brandi's amazing photos. He wrote me a nice note back, too, and even assured me that I wasn't creepy or weird.

Isn't that the most awesome thing?

We stopped near Cheticamp to go swimming. This involved changing into a bathing suit that is six sizes too small in the back of a really hot Kia Spectra. It was worth it!

It only took us a half hour to get in the water. The nausea and pain only lasted about 20 minutes.



This stone lives in my bathroom now:



This tiny photographer was taking a picture of me while I took a picture of him.



My sandy foot:

Q. What do I love more than old, abandoned buildings?
A. NOTHING.

In Cheticamp, we found these old garages by the roadside. We investigated, obvz.





Spider in a broken window:









Watchful eye:



Come into the office:

I stopped the car so Brandi could take some pictures shortly after we had passed through Ingonish. While she was shooting, I wandered across the road and found this little shack:



A close-up of the sign above the door:



( Want to go inside? You're in luck; the door was unlocked! )

More from Cape Breton's Cabot Trail...



The Rusty Anchor EXISTS, making me the happiest lady alive. There was no sign of Blanche; however, we didn't check the mens room.



Ocean and sky forever:





Maison bleu au Cheticamp:

Brandi and I stayed overnight in Cape Breton in tiny Bay St. Lawrence. We arrived there after dark, and woke up the next morning to a misty view of mountains all over. It was so pretty.

Our view from Burton's Sunset Oasis Motel:



We drove off the Cabot Trail the next morning to visit what is apparently the inbreeding capital of Nova Scotia, Meat Cove at the northernmost tip of the province. Although we didn't witness any, it's rumoured that many of the approximately 100 residents of the remote town have one giant, bulging eye. I wish we had known that beforehand! Birth defects aside, Meat Cove was gorgeous.

The road to Meat Cove:





This house appeared to be faded where the sun hit one side:







Canada Day in Meat Cove, taken at the tip of Nova Scotia, where the road literally just ended:

Brandi and I went to Cape Breton! It was gorgeous and so much fun. Here are a very few of my favourite pictures from the trip. I plan to post a few at a time, but there are more than anyone ever wants to see on my Flickr account.

I don't really remember where this was, but it was super-beautiful!



This, either:



We stopped at a gorgeous rocky beach called Wreck Cove. The surf was so crazy that the waves were brown with all the stones they were were washing in, and the sound of the rocks being dragged back by the ocean was like nothing else I've ever heard.





I found this on the beach... I think it is a vertebra from some animal's spinal column. How cute is this, seriously?!?

Sara says:
HOLD PLEASE!
bran says:
hahaha k.
Sara says:
Oh, man! PRINCE was just on American Idol.
bran says:
I KNOW.
bran says:
i just watched it with a look of WTF.
bran says:
american idol has been HILARIOUS tonight. did you miss meatloaf?
Sara says:
YES, thank CHRIST.
bran says:
because i thought he was KIDDING. but he WASN'T KIDDING.
Sara says:
Ha ha! I ALWAYS think Meatloaf was kidding.
Sara says:
I think when his coffin goes rolling down the aisle, a big banner will unfurl that says "JK"
bran says:
that was SO FUNNNY, sara, i dunno why but IT WAS.
Sara says:
Ha ha!
bran says:
who do you think will win?
Sara says:
Um, Taylor, because people like him. And Catherine is like, so fucking boring I want to gouge her.
bran says:
taylor yes. katharine is so smug, too.
bran says:
i want to kick her in the neck.
Sara says:
I wish Mandisa had gone farther. Too bad she fucking sucked out for a couple of shows, because she had awesome pipes, really.
bran says:
aw, i know.
bran says:
i also have a life-altering crush on elliott, believe it or not.
Sara says:
I HATE IT when Katherine's dad cries when she sings. HATE IT.
Sara says:
OH GOD. The vote stats make me want to cry.
Sara says:
American Idol received more votes than any president has ever received... it's so depressing.
Sara says:
Okay, break time. I need to go watch.
bran says:
okay!
bran says:
HAAAA WAS THAT DAVID HASSELHOFF CRYING JUST NOW
Sara says:
OMG WAS THAT DAVID HASSEL
bran says:
TELL ME IT WAS
Sara says:
HA HA HA HA HA
bran says:
HAAAAAAAAA
bran says:
OH GOD OH GOD FUNNIEST THING EVER
bran says:
HE WAS SO MOVED
Sara says:
I am dying.
Sara says:
I can't breathe!
bran says:
ME TOO
bran says:
OH GOD
Sara says:
HA HA HA!
bran says:
HAHAHAHA WHAT AN UNEXPECTED GEM!
Sara says:
I know, I am SO HAPPY!
Sara says:
I could not have STAGED a better moment!
bran says:
seriously.
Sara says:
I wish I had it on tape.
Sara says:
Ha ha - I RACED to the computer when I saw David Hasselhoff crying. I HAD to discuss it with you.
bran says:
HAHAHAHA

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