grammardog

Here are two things that recently made me laugh until I cried:

For complicated reasons I wont get into, I searched Youtube to hear the noise that a goat makes. I did not expect to hear a goat that basically sounded like Louie Anderson.



The second thing is this article about atheists agreeing to look after the pets of evangelicals after the rapture comes, from the Telegraph. It's so funny I can't bear the thought of the link conking out in the future, so I'm ( going to paste it all under here for future reference. )

I'm trying to move and all, but I interrupt that process to bring you an important breaking news bulletin: FABIO RELEASED A SPOKEN WORD ALBUM IN THE EARLY 90'S. There are a bunch of little mini tracks available here, and I swear to you, you won't regret it. I recommend "Fabio on Surprises", if only to hear Fabio and his accent turn "surprise my lady" into "supress my lady".

I just can't believe this actually happened.

I got one of those office forwarded e-mails today... you know the type. They always start out with "You wont believe this!!!!!! You have to try it!!!!!!!" Well, I was bored, natch, so I tried it, and now it's making me completely bananas.

Here are the instructions:

1. While seated, extend your foot out and rotate your ankle in a clockwise direction.
2. Continue the rotation of your foot, and use your right index finger to draw the number 6 in the air.

Your foot will automatically start to rotate in a counter-clockwise direction. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

Joe's Scarecrow Village.

It scared more than the crows.







( More photos from Joe's Scarecrow Village, near Cheticamp, Nova Scotia )

My least favourite new personal sales thing is the "healthy chocolate" parties that I am hearing about from acquaintances I haven't heard from since they tried to sell me some other overpriced product. The chocolate (which I think is called Xocai because that sounds exotic and people who go to chocolate parties want it to be exotic, goddamnit) is touted to be delicious and so healthy you'll live for fucking ever. My cousin, who invites me to chocolate parties every week, is convinced that I'll never need insulin again if only I get my hands on some of this magical chocolate. My diabetes will be cured by CHOCOLATE, y'all. FINALLY!

I've never tasted it, or even seen the stuff, but it's sold with the same ferocity that the people who invited you to Candlelite parties four years ago had, and that's all I need to turn me off solidly. Check out these excerpts from someone at work who's trying to pawn it off onto her co-workers:

This chocolate is it's purest form - no artificial flavour or preservatives. It's diabetic friendly, kosher & vegan friendly. One chocolate nugget equals 3 cups of blueberries or 1/2 pound of raw spinach or 1 pound of broccoli.

What the CHRIST. One chocolate nugget "equals" a pound of broccoli?? That is the worst math I've ever seen. What does that even mean?

Okay, get ready... here comes my favourite part:

Rich dark Belgium chocolate....9 out of 10 people crave it. 50% of the population can't live without it.

WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD WOULD MAKE SOMEONE TYPE THOSE WORDS OUT.