grammardog

I was just doing a search on my computer and came across this Kijiji ad I wrote when I was considering selling my Tom Petty tickets (in the end, I decided to go and will be seeing him on Thursday! Yesssss.) No one got it; one guy told me I needed to go to "English school" and learn how to capitalize. Siiiiiigh.

TWO TOM PETTY TICKETS FOR SALE - SECTION 23, ROW F, SEATS 1 AND 2

Hello, Tom Petty fans! Here's a Heartbreaker for you:

I purchased a couple of great tickets to the show, but the person who was going to accompany me had A Change of Heart and can no longer attend. (Don't Do Me Like That, am I right?) I tried To Find A Friend, Even the Losers, to come with me, but no luck, so It's Time to Move On.

The tickets are in the lower bowl, almost right across from the stage (see the teeny tiny red dots in the picture to imagine your Face In the Crowd) - Section 23, Row F, Seats 1 and 2. Good lower bowl seats for the show are now sold out, and who wants to sit in A Higher Place than Row F? It's almost Too Good to be True.

Here's the Breakdown: I am not looking to make a profit; I just want to get back what I paid for them. The tickets were $206.50 each plus a $1 service charge) - a total cost of $415.00. That's firm - I Won't Back Down.

The tickets were e-mailed to me from Ticket Atlantic and printed off. You'll have to come around here to pick them up; then Don't Come Around Here No More.

If this ad is still active, I still have the tickets! I will delete it when the tickets have been sold. I'll Feel A Whole Lot Better then.

Now for The Waiting.

I just made a batch of this mango-lime margarita sorbet:



Envy me! And my book club, because that's where I'm taking it, if it lasts until Wednesday. It is soooo good.

cynosur and I went yard-saling yesterday. I spent seven dollars and got a wooden shelf, three candle lanterns (thanks, robotropolis, and a small table, all for my patio. Alanna failed to find anything, sadly. I feel that we can overcome this, if we just keep plugging away.

I can't scan a photo because I'm out of colour ink. That makes sense, doesn't it? Thanks, assholes who make every shitty printer!

Do you guys listen to StoryCorps? You gotta. It is my favourite thing on the internet. It's just people telling their stories! These two killed me dead this morning.

Update: I put a $45 colour ink cartridge into my printer and the scanner still won't work. I must have worn it out when I used it that one time.

I want to preface this next bit by saying that I do not watch internet marriage proposals as a rule. Generally I would say that they make me cringe with embarrassment. But I happened to watch this one, which is a cross between a proposal and a flash mob, and I cried all the way through. (By the way, for the cringers in the audience, she says yes. So don't worry!)



In other news, The Spankers are trying to break the Guinness world record for fucking this weekend. They started yesterday at 1 pm, and they're still at it, with only an hour here and there to take a break. I want a Super-Soaker so bad right now. Can you imagine how awesome that would feel, to squirt water into their window and hear them cry out in alarm? Haaaaaaa! I don't know why that thought is satisfying me so much right now, but I cannot stop cackling.

My friend E is leaving for a year to live in Ireland. She is a very non-risk-taking kind of person, so I couldn't believe she decided to make this change; I am really excited for her. I wanted to give her a gift that she could take with her without being weighed down.

I decided to make a teensy little first aid kit out of an Altoids tin. The tin contains: emergency numbers for Galway (Mod-Podged into the inside lid), 8 bandages of various sizes, a teeny notepad and pencil, a mini screwdriver, 2 safety pins, a tampon, tweezers, 2 iodine pads, 2 antiseptic towelettes, 2 sting relief pads, and 4 alcohol swabs.



I also added a list of its contents right on top of everything so she wouldn't have to go rooting through it to look for something in particular. Everything neatly packed away:



I gave it to her today and she got all teary-eyed. I think she really liked it!

I've also spent the last week getting my tiny little back deck cleaned up for summer. Last year, the deck above me had a bee's nest in it because the wood was rotten underneath. I got stung twice going out to water my plants. In mid-summer, The Upstairses' deck was torn away , leaving a pile of bits of wood and dirt on my deck and ruining my tomato plants. I guess I kind of scrapped summer on the deck after that, and I never even really cleaned any of it up. But this week I cleaned off all the dead plants and wood bits, swept away the dirt, and tossed the chairs that were way past their prime (I garbage-picked them last summer). Then I bought a square outdoor mat which I cut and sewed into a rectangle, and laid that down for comfort and prettiness. I picked up some comfortable nylon chairs for cheap, hung those amber mosaic glass candle sconces, and planted some pretty begonias and geraniums and million bells, with a nice big hanging basket. I wish I had taken a Before picture because it looked so unwelcoming, but here's the new cozy little space:



I plan to find a cheap lamp of some sort for the corner, and a teeny little table for my drink, and then I'll sit out there by myself on hot summer nights and get drunk while reading and listening to The Spankers.

Photojojo just reminded me that a year ago, we were dealing with this:



Thank you for not dying after your mystery surgery that turned up absolutely nothing, Bea Arthur. I know I'm exposing my cat lady thing right now, but I really fucking needed this cat over the past beyond-shitty year.

I was up early this morning to work on making dinner for my mom, but The Spankers were up and at it even earlier, doing their father/daughter routine before the clock even hit eight. As I was putting my bread dough in the oven to rise, I heard an old-fashioned bell timer, like in an Easy-Bake oven, go off in the distance, then heard Lady Spanker say in a sexy(?), sing-song-y voice, "Iiiiit's REA-dyyyyy!". Then they proceeded to whip the snickers out of each other. What in fuck were they cooking up there? Are they branding each other?

Hm... what else is going on. Sally is having a baby girl; did I tell you guys already? I don't think so. Here she is with B.Art, who will not be deterred by her disappearing lap.



Yesterday I overheard a white sales clerk talking to a black customer in a store. The sales clerk, upon finding out how old the customer was, said, "I guess it's true what they say - black don't crack!" Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

I just finished We Need to Talk About Kevin, which I could barely put down... it chilled me to the bone. I am impatiently waiting for someone else to finish it so I can talk about it... book club is a whole two weeks away.

I feel desperate for more time to myself, even though I think I have more than anyone I know.

I need to talk about Mad Men now, and although I'm pretty sure I'm the only one left on Livejournal, I'll just give a fair warning that ( Mad Men season 5 spoilers lie under this cut, and they are bigguns. )

You guys, I love TV. I just want to die somewhere in the window of time between the end of Mad Men and Bea Arthur's death.

I saw my physiotherapist this afternoon, and she's declared me and my ailing elbow a complete medical mystery. She says I'm presenting with acute traumatic tendinitis with irritation to the tricep. Only I haven't had any trauma; I was just sleeping, for Pete's sake. I'm icing the hell out of it tonight to bring the swelling down. She says she usually sees this kind of injury in athletes.

Whaddyaknow, I'm an athlete!

*One arm raised in triumph*

My right elbow is throbbing today and my arm is totally unbendable and unusable, for no reason that I can think of. My thirties, everyone.

This picture is guilty of camera shake, but I give it to you nonetheless:



She is so cuddly.

Forever ago, jesshelga posted this fun meme and I'm just getting around to answering it. I'm changing the rules, though... I don't think there are seven questions I have for anybody.

Comment to this post, and I will list seven four things I want you to talk about. They might make sense or they might be totally random.

Then post that list, with your commentary, to your journal. Other people can get lists from you, and the meme merrily perpetuates itself. You know, like a meme.

1) Do you have a favorite memory about seeing a movie in your youth?

I can only remember actually seeing four movies in the theatre when I was a kid. Going to the movies was almost completely outside of my parents' realm of fun ideas, and the only one I saw that wasn't part of another kid's birthday outing was E.T., which I saw when I was 4. I had never seen a movie screen before and thought that it was real, so I was beyond comforting when (SPOILER ALERT) E.T. phoned home and then GTFO of there. The only other movies I remember seeing as a little kid are Short Circuit, Joe vs. The Volcano, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We also did not have a VCR until I was a teenager, so the only movies I saw at home were CBC's regular rotation of Anne of Green Gables and National Film Board Gemini Award winners (The Last Winter? Anyone? No?).

2) Any advice for someone about to embark on Internet dating?

Oh, boy. I'd say trust your gut most of all. Write back and forth for a bit before meeting someone, and if they don't like that, they can lump it. I don't care how terrible this sounds; I don't often talk to people online who cannot communicate well in writing. This isn't (only) because I give a dang about that; but it's because when someone is able to write clearly and crack jokes and be clever over the internet, I'm able to get a better sense of what kind of a person they are. I don't like walking into these things blind. Personally, in addition to the flattering, cropped-out-my-zit shots, I like to post full-length pictures of what I look like on a daily basis; I don't want to ever see anyone's crestfallen face when I meet them for a drink.

3) If Sully and Bea Arthur formed a crimefighting duo, who do you think would be the lead and who would be the sidekick?

Sully would totally be the sidekick. Their relationship is almost entirely based on Bea Arthur running ahead while Sully walks quickly after him, bending every once in a while on the off-chance of nabbing him. Also, the only crime they would ever attempt to fight would be the crime of Bea Arthur's bowl being empty 30 minutes after a meal.

4) I don't think I ever realized you were such a prodigious reader until recently. I love to ask folks who read a lot: has there been a book in recent memory you quit reading in a fit of pique?

I would not call myself prodigious in any sense... I don't read very fast, so I don't get much done. However, I do love to read, and I love my book club for a) being awesome and b) keeping me interested in reading. I recently read Hemingway's For Whom The Bell Tolls, which, had it not been a book club read, I totally WOULD have quit reading, but I hate showing up to book club without being able to fully participate. I'm glad I finished it - in the end, our book club discussion helped me to understand it and appreciate it more, even if I can't say I enjoyed the slog. I picked up Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City about 6 months ago and may toss it aside yet. I basically hate it, but I'm not sure why. According to my LJ birthday posts, the last book I actually did not finish out of anger was 7 years ago, and was something called Marrying Mom by Olivia Goldsmith, which I have absolutely no recollection of reading and can't imagine why I would have picked it up in the first place.

5) You seemed to enjoy your trip to Chicago a great deal. Any upcoming trips? Any fantasy trips you wish were upcoming?

No upcoming trips planned! Too broke. I understand that Paul Simon is touring Graceland this year WITH Ladysmith Back Mambazo for the 25th anniversary of the album. So I'll be going wherever that happens, broke or not. I love to be other places, but I don't actually like the logistics of travel... airports, hours on a plane, etc. I am, suddenly, a very anxious flyer. I am a bit of a homebody, and often wish I could dash out and explore another city, but still come home to my own bed to sleep.

6) Stinky cheese: yea or nay?

Yea, to a point. As far as I know, blue cheese is the only cheese I can't take. It's just... TOO FEETY. Like, the bacteria in blue cheese are actually the same bacteria as are found on sweaty feet. That's just too far.

7) Favorite TV show at the moment (if any--if not, maybe favorite TV show of your youth)?

Too psyched about Mad Men being baaaaaaack! to think about anything else. I watched the season premiere twice, with glee. I went through a lot of TV as a kid, but one of my favourite shows was The Edison Twins, a CBC show about a pair of nerdy ginger twins named Tom and Annie who solved mysteries using science. I had a mad crush on Tom, and wanted to be Annie.


The end! Now, you guys.

Hi, Livejournal! I have not forsaken thee; I've just been recovering from the time Sally came to my house and ate Whoppers, and later that evening I saw one on the floor and picked it up and ate it, and even later that evening I saw another one on the floor that had not been there before and I picked it up to eat it, happened to notice that it was not as shiny as a normal Whopper, and realized it was a piece of poop that had been fallen off of Bea Arthur's butt.

(ETA: Whoppers, courtesy of Brad Kent:

)

Livejournal, don't give me that red underline to tell me I've misspelled "Bea", and for SURE don't give me that red underline for "Livejournal".

The other night I was feeding Sully his dinner while my sister-in-law fed Anabelle, who was having a spaz attack because Caroline wouldn't give her her milk. Sully, selecting his words with care, said, "Caroline, why Anabelle is... hating you?" We laughed, and I said, "Oh, Sully... you are SOOOOOOOO cute." He took a bite of his lasagne and said, "Sara, you are SOOOOOOOO cute, too." Then we snuggled.

There, cat poop and babies. That should be everything.

Just found a scrap of paper with "breakfast of foreskin" doodled on it in my own handwriting.

My (other) best friend Janet showed up behind my chair yesterday at work!!! She lives in California and I hardly ever get to see her, and I had NO IDEA she was coming home for a visit, but I turned around and there she was, along with her new and lovely little boy. It was such an amazing surprise! The other amazing thing is that, for my birthday, I decided to give myself a few days off work, starting today, for which I swore to plan absolutely nothing in advance. I only wanted to be able to sleep in, run errands, do the housework that has been mentally bogging me down, and do whatever I wanted at the drop of a hat. So now I have several blank canvas days for which I have nothing planned at all.

It was just so purely delightful, to think she was in California and then turn around to find her literally standing behind me. It reminded me of the equally amazing time that brantastic showed up in Halifax as a complete surprise to me, in cahoots with Sally.

I AM LUCKY EVERYONE IS AWESOME

You guys, I just roasted a full pound of green beans with olive oil, garlic, and parmesan. I ate half of them, and they were so goddamned delicious that I ate the other half.

Can someone, like... check on me later?

Thirty-three was a terrible year in some obvious ways, which I have documented and will probably continue to document for the rest of my life.

Other stuff that isn't my dead father:

1) For the second year in a row, I stuck with my budgeting. On my last payday, I finally reached my goal of saving six months' worth of dough to keep as an emergency fund. This was a huge milestone for me. Now I will start putting my savings towards "retirement". It is always going to be "retirement" for me, because I am 99% convinced I will never get to retire. I will as likely as not die of a heart attack right at my desk and fall down under my footstool, exactly where I found that dead mouse a few weeks ago. Anyway, even though I hardly ever feel like I have enough money to really have fun with, I am proud of myself for sticking with this and staying out of debt. I hope to never go back to -$35,000 again.

2) I had food issues. Bigguns. But I also had a good 5-6 month stretch where I consistently ate really well, which I have probably never done in my life. I felt really great, and my diabetes was well-managed. That's, uh, over now, because I have all of these feelings I cannot stop eating. But I did it, somehow, so it's got to be doable again...? I don't know. I feel so trapped on this one. I seriously don't know how to help myself.

3) I reached my annual goal of reading my age in books, but I have to admit there are a lot of YA and graphic novels on the list. It was not a good year for concentration.

1. The Ballad of Trenchmouth Taggart - M. Glenn Taylor
2. Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
3. The Flying Troutmans - Miriam Toews (CDN)
4. Tangles - Sarah Leavitt (CDN)
5. A Gathering of Days - Joan W. Blos
6. Room - Emma Donoghue
7. Endless Love - Scott Spencer
8. The Miserable Mill - Lemony Snicket
9. A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian - Marina Lewycka
10. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks - Rebecca Skloot
11. Bossypants - Tina Fey
12. The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao - Junot Diaz
13. Blankets - Craig Thompson
14. Stitches - David Small
15. The Alcoholic - Jonathan Ames and Dean Haspiel
16. Maus - Art Spiegelman
17. Essex County - Jeff Lemire (CDN)
18. Luna Park - Kevin Baker, Danijel Zezelj
19. The Color of Earth - Dong Hwa Kim
20. The Black Dahlia - James Ellroy
21. Freedom - Jonathan Franzen
22. Embroideries - Marjane Satrapi
23. Epileptic - David B.
24. The Big Skinny - Carol Lay
25. Great House - Nicole Krauss
26. In Cold Blood - Truman Capote
27. The Accidental Tourist - Anne Tyler
28. Little Bee - Chris Cleave
29. The Secret Fruit of Peter Paddington - Brian Francis (CDN)
30. Plainsong - Kent Haruf *
31. The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins
32. It's Your Money: Becoming A Woman of Independent Means - Gail Vaz-Oxlade (CDN)
33. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer - Mark Twain
34. Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit - Jeanette Winterson
35. Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers - Mary Roach
36. Market Day - James Sturm

My favourite fiction reads were The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Plainsong, and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. For non-fiction (which I almost never read), I loved Stiff. Reading about corpses and putrification is juuuuuust about right up my healing-process alley.

I watched these movies in Year 33:

1. Blue Valentine
2. Despicable Me
3. Temple Grandin
4. Catfish
5. 127 Hours
6. Another Year
7. Rear Window
8. Source Code
9. The Wizard of Oz
10. Bridesmaids
11. Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work
12. Midnight in Paris
13. The Tree of Life
14. Beginners
15. Waiting for Superman
16. Groundhog Day
17. My Cousin Vinny
18. The Color Purple
19. Meet Me in St. Louis
20. 50/50
21. A Small Act
22. Horrible Bosses
23. Crazy, Stupid Love
24. Martha Marcy May Marlene
25. Chops
26. The Muppets
27. Elf
28. It's a Wonderful Life
29. God Grew Tired of Us
30. Young Adult
31. The Artist
32. A Dangerous Method

I think my favourite first-timers were Blue Valentine and My Cousin Vinny.

I received this hand-cut paper card in the mail yesterday from carrielbf, with whom I've been friends for almost 30 years, and who is as crafty as they come. I love it so much:

I miss you so much.

Ughhhhhhhh... poor Bea Arthur is throwing up again. I don't know what to do with this guy. Vet? No vet? Last time this happened it basically cost thousands of dollars to have fluids and anti-nauseants administered, and we didn't even find out what was wrong. Oh, and he had the surgery, which turned up absolutely nothing. I don't know what to do.

ETA: After puking five times, Bea Arthur appears to have had a miraculous recovery. I fell asleep at about 3:30, and when I woke up at 4:30, he was licking my hair and trying to get me to feed him. Also, his mouse was all tangled up in the towel I put down in case he threw up again. Also, he just jumped three feet in the air and pounced on top of a small piece of paper. This cat is going to kill me.